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Silver: Legacy

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Author Topic: Silver: Legacy  (Read 288 times)
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« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2012, 02:57:58 pm »

lol alright, go on with that.
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« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2012, 04:16:40 pm »

What's that supposed to mean? And who is Percy Jackson?
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« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2012, 09:48:54 pm »

lol it's some kids novel my sister wont shut up about, (its actually kindof a good storyline) where the greek gods are actually real and sometimes they have affairs with mortals, creating demigods that the gods usually need to complete quests.
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« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2012, 10:27:10 pm »

I don't like mythical bull crap
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« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2012, 11:37:04 am »

Silver: Legacy. Chapter 1: Knowing, Part 5: Well, Well

Ion and Silver headed north. They walked for hours. They were trying to find out where this Sharpshoot guy was. They walked and walked found a large wall. It did not lead to a actual village. It lead to a underground tunnel. The tunnel lead to a secret city underground. A secret civilization. They entered and went through the long tunnel route. There was a arena where one buy stood fighting all who said they wanted a good fight. They should have said they wanted a good beating. He beat them all. Silver saw the boy and knew that it was Ash Sharpshoot.

"That's him, isn't it?", Silver asked

"Sure is.", replied Ion. "He will know where she is."

Silver walked up to the arena. Ash was standing at the edge asking for more challengers.

"Who's next? You guys want the championship, then beat the champion!", Ash exclaimed

"I will fight you next.", said Silver as he stepped into the ring.

Ash smirked and looked at Silver. Silver was about 5 years younger than Ash. Ash had beaten full grown men 10 times Silver's size.

"Tell you what kid.", Ash said. "The out of ring disqualifications won't count. If i hit you too hard, tell me. And to make it easier, i won't use my hands."

The whole audience laughed. Silver knew Ash was trying to humiliate him. He laughed and said, "Good for you." Ash put his hands behind his back, thinking this would be very easy. Silver's eyes turned red and aura radiated around him. Ash looked shocked. He knew that this was not good.

Silver punched Ash with all his might and Ash was sent to the ground with a laud crash. Ash was cut in many places. He healed instantly. Ash kicked Silver to the ceiling. Silver had a rock through his torso, but fell and healed also. Ash and Silver could both heal. This would not turn out well. They both jumped at each other and clashed with red and green aura. They both had powers. Ash quickly jumped on Silver's back and kicked him to the ground. Silver grabbed Ash by the leg and smashed him into that giant arena, destroying it. The entire city was cheering Silver on. They thought that the champion would finally be defeated. They were a civilization who resorted to fighting and death to resolve problems. Their champion was hated by all. They thought that they would now have a new and better one.

Silver and Ash jumped to different corners of the destroyed arena. Ash smiled and said, "Well, Well. If it isn't the brother of Alexandria himself. In the flesh too. I thought you died, and so did she. She always hated you, man." Ash was trying to get Silver to believe lies. So he could have his chance to strike.

"DON'T BELIEVE HIM SILVER!!! HE IS TELLING YOU LIES!!!!", Ion yelled

"Why would i tell you lies? I knew your sister for two years.", he said as he ran over to Silver and kicked him into the ground. "She told me everything." Ash continued to kick Silver into the ground.

Silver looked up and his eyes turned white. He roared with enormous power. He sent out shock waves of energy throughout the whole city. Ash looked down and sighed. "She really was telling the truth. He has that demon inside of him." Silver smashed Ash into the ground and beat on him repeatedly. Silver looked down at Ash and saw he looked unharmed, but was unconscious. He won the fight. The red aura died down and he picked Ash up. He started to walk out of the city. He was going to find out everything about his sister. Starting with Ash.
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« Reply #20 on: May 26, 2012, 08:07:23 pm »

Oh, Alexandria huh? this leaves me in such suspense.
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« Reply #21 on: May 26, 2012, 08:11:04 pm »

Yay. That was my point
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« Reply #22 on: May 27, 2012, 08:49:58 am »

Well don't include too much suspense. Recently, a TV show called Alcatraz, a show that I am a huge fan of, got canceled because it left you in too much constant suspense, and most viewers didn't know what the lines of the series were until the last minute of the last episode.
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« Reply #23 on: May 27, 2012, 02:02:50 pm »

Silver: Legacy. Chapter 1: Knowing, Part 6: The Time to Pray Is Now

SMACK!! Ash was slapped in the face, tied into a tree. Silver and Ion stood in front of him.

"Tied to a tree and hitting me. Shouldn't you take me on a first date first?", Ash asked

"Shut your mouth Sharpshoot. I want answers!", Silver exclaimed

"I can possibly give them to you. Come back in a few thousand years."

Silver grew claws and stabbed Ash in the heart. "I can kill you until you do. You might heal, but i can kill you a few thousand times until you comply."

Ash could heal, but he still felt pain. He was stabbed more and more until he smirked. "Torturing me won't help you."

"We'll soon see." Silver slashed at Ash for hours on end, but he did not break

"This isn't working.", said Ion "He heals and begs for more."

They then heard a faint wind and birds chirping. They looked around and saw nothing. Silver was ticked off as it. He didn't need to know that someone or something was trying to kill them.

"If that's who I think it is, the time to pray is now.", Ash said. "She will come after you like wild g...." Suddenly an arrow went through his hand.

"Oh god.", Ash said. "L-let me loose now!!"

"Why? What's wrong?", Ion asked

"S-s-she's here!! Let me loose and I will tell you all that i know!! Please!!"

Silver cut him loose and they ran deeper into the forest. They were chased by a flurry of arrows that were somehow full of explosives, fire, electricity, or ice. Silver was confused. Those arrows were enchanted.

About two miles in, the arrows stopped and they hid behind a tree, out of breath, and out of time.

"Tell us everything!!", Ion exclaimed.

"OK, OK.", Ash said. "Her name is Alexandria. She is technically Silver's sister. She is a demigod. She hunts down animals and humans like a wild dog. She is a expert tracker and knows how to use a bow."

"What about those arrows?", Silver asked "Those were not human."

"Smart man.", Ash replied. "Enchanted by wizards or something. Every arrow has a element in it. Very special. Very rare." Ash started to catch his breath. "Only a god could have the authority to commands wizards to do that."

They heard another wind and more chirping. They stood silent until a mysterious figure appeared before the three. They charged up as much energy as they could,

"Who are you?!", Silver exclaimed

"You should know brother!" The figure then proceeded to aim her bow at them "Now prepare to know who is the better killer!!!! I am the daughter of Artemis! Alexandria!" She then proceeded to shoot arrows at all of them. Ion blocked them with a shield he made out of electricity and absorbed the energy of the electric arrows. She used a fire one on his shield and it broke. She kicked him in the face and knocked him out. Ash charged up power and summoned a claymore toward him. He tried to slash at Alexandria, but she just jumped straight over him and shot him in the head with a ice arrow. He froze from the neck down. He was unable to move. Silver tried the same, but she kicked him into a tree and aimed all her mythical arrows at Silver. She was going to kill him. "Goodbye, Brother!!!", she exclaimed.


                                         End of Chapter 1
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« Reply #24 on: May 27, 2012, 08:35:51 pm »

Erm, that was ok, but now I think I might add more constructive criticizm than I was earlier, I think you might want to do what I call "Extending the paragraph" Which is using so many similes and other forms of english to make the paragraph as clear as possible. So tell me what everyone looks like, how they talk, for example, I have absolutely no idea what Alexandria looks like, and don't say "Brown hair" get into detail, "Wavy brown hair that drooped just below her shoulders and bangs that hung right above her eyes"
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« Reply #25 on: May 27, 2012, 08:44:39 pm »

Fine. Next chapter will have that stuff. Just don't tell me exactly what to write. I might take that line.
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« Reply #26 on: May 28, 2012, 09:28:51 am »

lol ok. I'm eager to see the results.
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« Reply #27 on: May 28, 2012, 01:32:21 pm »

Silver: Legacy. Chapter 2: Longing, Part 1: Explain It All

Alexandria was about to let go of the red string holding all 5 of the arrows sharply pointed at Silver's pale face. He was slightly sweating. She carefully aimed the wooded bow at Silver. The forest was quiet. Ash was fully frozen in the clear ice. He was struggling, but to no avail. His light green eyes slightly sparkled in the sun. He narrowed them on Alexandria. He was afraid of her. Her long curly and dark brown hair flailed around in the wind. The forest did not move. A person could hear a pin drop. The silence was broken by the loud sound of thunder. Alexandria stood up and put her bows away in a long wooden case with Greek symbols on it. She snapped her fingers and the ice that held Ash melted into water withing 2 seconds. Ash fell to the ground soaking wet. His green Egyptian clothing was damp and heavy. He panted for air. His neck had been constricted by the ice. Alexandria extended her hand to Silver. She was wearing some sort of special gloves, for they glowed with a mythical aura. Silver grabbed her hand and stood up. Silver then realized that he was taller than her. By about 3 inches. He didn't count his hair that was styled like fire. Alexandria then looked up at Silver with blue eyes.

She looked right into his sunglasses and said, "We don't have much time. You need to run."

Silver looked at Alexandria confused. "What are you talking about?", Silver asked

Alexandria took Silver's sunglasses right off of his face and snapped them into two pieces, revealing his red as blood eyes. Alexandria looked straight into them and said, "Use your eyes. They are your greatest weapon. They will lead you to the truth" She hugged him. "She is coming. She will deceive you in all ways. Remember this. I will protect you in all ways i can, brother"

Suddenly, a large yellow flash of lightning struck the ground. The ground set partly on fire. The ground shook and a girl with wavy pink hair in a pony tail, a flower dress, and and heels appeared before them. She smiled and looked at Silver. "Hi honey", she said.

"Mother of Zeus, she came sooner than i expected.", Alexandria said. She took out a firey red arrow and aimed it straight at the figure. "Don't believe a word she says, Silver!"

Silver had a confused look on his face. Ash summoned his claymore and went to Ion. Ash started to shake Ion awake. Ash had a feeling that they were going to have to fight this girl. As Ash tried to awake Ion, the girl drew closer. She slowly walked toward Silver. Alexandria shot her fire bow at the girl, but there was a strange, invisible, pink-like shield that surrounded the girl. The bow was easily crushed by the shield. She ignored it and slowly walked toward Silver. She was about 10 meters from Silver. Alexandria was stunned. She was stronger than expected. She continued to draw and shoot arrows at the girl, but to no avail. Ash then got Ion to wake up. Ion got up and saw the girl with pink hair. He recognized her immediately. He knew who she was and by the look of her, what she could do. Silver was standing there in shock. Ion charged up energy and shot as much electric energy ah he could muster. Ash drew his claymore and tried to slash at the figure. His large grey broadsword did not even scratch the figure.

The girl was 8 meters from Silver. Ash, Alexandria, and Ion knew that this was not working. All of their mythical powers and special skills did not even scratch her. Alexandria yelled to Silver. "DO SOMETHING!! RUN!!!" Silver shook his head and snapped out of it. He saw the girl and fell to his knees. He was recovering a memory. A large one. He began to have a massive headache. He put his hands on his head and closed his eyes tightly. He grew large, sharp fangs and roared with red energy. Alexandria knew that he was remembering something. "We need to give him time to recover his memory!!!", Alexandria said, shooting more arrows. Ash ran toward the girl and slashed as much as he could. Ion made twin blue energy swords on his wrists and started to slash at her as well. Silver's eyes were white as snow. His facial expressions were blank. His mind was racing with different memories. A kiss. A date. His eyes. A girl. He remembered a girl. He snapped out of it and saw the figure walking toward him. He rose and saw his friends fighting the girl. He remembered what Alexandria said and ran away.

The girl became furious. She swatted Ash and Ion away with the flick of the wrist. She saw Alexandria. She snapped her fingers and her pink nails glowed. She raised her hand and a large pink energy explosion knocked Alexandria back into a tree. She became unconscious. The girl vanished within two seconds. Silver kept running without looking back. He remembered the girl and had to run away.
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« Reply #28 on: May 28, 2012, 03:34:30 pm »

omg the girl is uh, whats herface.... from the origin, the girl... Clove? no, Cloe! thats what it was. maybe it's not actually her though? anyway, MAJOR improvement. carry on, PLEASE.
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« Reply #29 on: May 28, 2012, 03:37:14 pm »

You will see soon
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