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Fusion Mayhem!

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Author Topic: Fusion Mayhem!  (Read 2026 times)
Silver Kid
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« Reply #180 on: February 20, 2011, 08:02:33 pm »

-takes out pillow and waits- im gonna take a nap. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz
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Alshary Sharpshoot
Agent Gold Dasher
Alicia Freeangel
Zoey Sparklebird
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« Reply #181 on: March 06, 2011, 12:08:27 am »


Chapter 1: Alpha, Scene 5

Gigaton
: YOU WERE ALWAYS SCUM! OLYMPIA WAS SCUM! IT WAS ALL SCUM!


Hank: Old buddy! You have not changed a bit. Really I though over you would grow some brain power over de years. -Hank sneaks behind Gigaton and piledrives him in a Mike Haggar/Zangief fashion-


Hank: Betraying Olympia was one thing, but siding with fusion? What has gone into that oddly head? -keeps hitting Gigaton, who is no match for Hank-


Gigaton
: GIGATON CAN LIFT MANY TONS! YOU CAN ONLY LIFT 5! HOW COME YOU SMACK GIGATON AROUND LIKE I COULD SMACK THE FEMININE BODIED KID AROUND?


Hank: Strength isn't everything my old friend! You need technique! I don't know how you became the strongest warrior in Olympia when all you did was ram your opponents like a wild animal? You remind of a man with claws who also fought like an animal, but at least he had technique, which is why he was able to land a couple of cuts into me. Jaguar was his name, he could beat you in seconds!



Gigaton
: I MAY HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DEFEAT YOU IN PAST..UHHH...TENSE! BUT THIS TIME, GIGATON HAS TRICKS NEW...UHH...NEW TRICKS UP HIS POCKETS!


Hank: You were never too bright either, no?


Gigaton: -Gigaton becomes covered  in a green layer than turns into hard stone. His eyes also turn purple and the mark of Fusion appears on his forehead-


Hank: You look pretty now?

Gigaton: UP SHUT! -Gigaton smacks Hank of his feet, something he has never done before-


Hank: -wiping blood of his mouth- You always relied on cheap tricks too! Now that you have become Fusion's dog you think you can defeat me?


Gigaton: Now, the real fight begins!


Hank: and you also learned to not scream. I guess Fusion gave you basic toddler smarts.

~~~Elsewhere


Sharpshoot: You know, I think you might be putting on a little weight Zoey. That or I'm getting weaker...I think I need more milk.


-Razalo clones continue to shooting wind-



Sharpshoot: You know, this is really annoying. Why can't you guys just not serve Fusion?


Minnions: We love master fusion! It's troglodyte we can't stand


Sharpshoot: Hmm...I think we can both kill him together! That is, if you let me get this girl to safety first.


Minnions: Are you screwing with us? Master Fusion would kill us!


-Sharpshoot throws his claymore which cuts a minnion through the head-



Sharpshoot: If I don't kill you first!



-Sharpshoot picked up his claymore and continued to jump across the trees and do battle with the Minnions while holding Sparklebird at the same time-


Sharpshoot: Yeah...I hate weekdays.



                            
                                              SCENE 5 END





Chapter 1: Alpha, Scene 6


-Hank is still fighting Gigaton, who has received power from Fusion-

Hank: This is a tough fight without a doubt. You're actually making me worry this time!

-Gigaton punches Hank in the face and piledrives him-


Hank: The Olympia way..is to never give up!


-Hank stands up again; despite being bruised and injured-


Gigaton: You think you live to see wife and kid? NO! GIGATON KILL YOU RIGHT HERE HANK! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THOSE YEARS OF HUMILIATION!


Hank: Hey buddy, you got your punctuation right in that sentence -Hank grabs his axe and hits Gigaton with it, however, with the endurance Fusion gave him, it does not affect him-


Gigaton:  Say bye, Hank!


Hank: No, I won't be beaten by a brute now!

-Hank delivers a jawbreaking punch to Gigaton's head-

Gigaton: I AM MAD NOW!

-Gigaton grabs Hank and jumps several feet up in the air-


Gigaton: YOUR WIFE WILL SEE YOUR END HANK! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AND THE IMPACT WILL SMASH YOU INTO THE BLOODIEST, MOST STINKIEST PULP THERE IS!

-Hank looks down-

Hank: Ugh...I can see Ash...him with that girl! They remind me of Tesse and I!


Gigaton: THOSE BE WILL YOUR WORDS LASTLY, HANK! YOU DIE NOW!

Hank: Time to pull a little trick...something I always use to defeat you...


-As Gigaton nears the bottom, Hank uses all of his strength to break free and get into piledriver position-

Gigaton: I can't break free!


Hank: See here, gravity is your biggest foe! So long, buddy!


-Hank and Gigaton reach the bottom, and Hank defeats Gigaton with a devastating piledriver, leaving a small crater on the ground-

Hank: It's a good thing Fusion was with you here...as if not, it would have killed you.


-Hank then falls back because he too got hurt from the fall-


Hank: I did it all for you, Tesse. -Hank then remains on his back, with his defeated foe lying on the crater next to him-

~~~~~~Elsewhere

Sharpshoot: I can't multi-task like this! But I can't let Zoey get hit either


Minnions: You will not escape! If we can't have you, then we'll just kill the girl!


Sharpshoot: The day I let Zoey get hurt again, will be the day I stop caring for my own life!

-Sharpshoot then throws his claymore in anger at the Minnions, like an expert marksman-


Sharpshoot
: Whoah...I think I need to calm down a bit...


-Sharpshoot's claymore returns to him like a boomerang-

-The  remaining 2 minnions decide to retreat-


Minnions: Lord Fusion will hear about this, he will!

-The minnions disappear into thin air-



It's all over...we can rest now, Zoey!


Sparklebird: That's my name...


-Later that night, Tesse and Hank cared for Sparklebird's wounds and Hank decided to take a small break from lodging due to his fight with Gigaton-

Tesse: Sounds like you had an adventure today, but there's something I have to tell you Ash.


Sharpshoot: What is it?


Tesse: You're not exactly a human being...as you can see from your healing factor. You're...a survivor.


Sharpshoot
: What do you mean by survivor?!

Tesse: You're...

~~~~~~~~Back at Fusion's Ship


Fusion: Alshary Sharpshoot? His name does ring a bell. Sharpshoot. If he was anything like his race, I can see how he would be a problem, but if he ever gets in my way again, I know his major weakness. I know what the thing he loves the most is....I will not be afraid to use that against him. Rest for now, Sharpshoot. You'll need the rest...



                    CHAPTER 1: ALPHA
                                          END




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Enter The Fusion Modulation Headquarters

THE STUDS OF ULTRA'S:

Alshary Sharpshoot - Rose Terrorangel
Ace Tinybullet - Awesome Busterbullet
Alse Kai - Zoey Sparklebird
Agent Gold Dasher - Alicia Freeangel
Silver Kid - Jazz Doccanyon
Zok Terrorgiant - Carter Angelchampion
Roller Rockstar - Admiral Fastfeet
Jamie Doccanyon - Smax
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« Reply #182 on: March 06, 2011, 08:51:51 am »

WOOT! Can't wait to see more ^_^
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Silver Kid
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« Reply #183 on: March 06, 2011, 12:48:06 pm »

A totally....awesome....end.
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Sup! Name's Silver. I got a bunch of friends on the forums. Here are a few:
Alshary Sharpshoot
Agent Gold Dasher
Alicia Freeangel
Zoey Sparklebird
Smax
Astro
Jester
Mr. Dubstep
Jamie Doccanyon
CTRL ALT Dead
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« Reply #184 on: March 06, 2011, 12:56:42 pm »

Please fill this out!

1. What did you like about Alpha?
2. What did you dislike about Alpha? Did you feel anything was weak?
3. Do you like the layout used in the story?
4. Who was your favorite character in Alpha?
5. Any suggestions for Fusion Mayhem?
6. What would you rate Alpha from a scale of 1 to 10?
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Enter The Fusion Modulation Headquarters

THE STUDS OF ULTRA'S:

Alshary Sharpshoot - Rose Terrorangel
Ace Tinybullet - Awesome Busterbullet
Alse Kai - Zoey Sparklebird
Agent Gold Dasher - Alicia Freeangel
Silver Kid - Jazz Doccanyon
Zok Terrorgiant - Carter Angelchampion
Roller Rockstar - Admiral Fastfeet
Jamie Doccanyon - Smax
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Silver Kid
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« Reply #185 on: March 06, 2011, 01:09:20 pm »

Sure.

1: The action.
2: The suspence. No.
3: Totally
4: Alshary Sharpshoot
5: Add more characters.
6: 10
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Sup! Name's Silver. I got a bunch of friends on the forums. Here are a few:
Alshary Sharpshoot
Agent Gold Dasher
Alicia Freeangel
Zoey Sparklebird
Smax
Astro
Jester
Mr. Dubstep
Jamie Doccanyon
CTRL ALT Dead
Makastar
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Curiouser and Curiouser...


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« Reply #186 on: March 06, 2011, 01:26:19 pm »

1. What did you like about Alpha?

It's a wonderful introduction to your story, you have a few rough patches with wording sometimes but all in all, it is well-presented and leaves you at a good spot before going into the next part of your tale.

2. What did you dislike about Alpha? Did you feel anything was weak?

I wouldn't say weak though I felt you rushed a couple of chapters in the middle. It was probably due to trying to please your readers but don't feel you have to rush your story.

3. Do you like the layout used in the story?

The layout is scriptform which I do appreciate, I hope you will keep the form consistent throughout the story.

4. Who was your favorite character in Alpha?

I would have to say none of them are my favorite currently, I don't have enough information to say who is my favorite or not. I do wonder what Ashy is though.

5. Any suggestions for Fusion Mayhem?

Take your time when writing, maybe have someone beta your work before you post it just to make sure it reads well.

6. What would you rate Alpha from a scale of 1 to 10?

I'd give it a 7/10. It's a good read so far and I see great potential for this piece.
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Silver Kid
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« Reply #187 on: March 06, 2011, 01:27:50 pm »

Totally awesome story bro. Can't wait for more.
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Sup! Name's Silver. I got a bunch of friends on the forums. Here are a few:
Alshary Sharpshoot
Agent Gold Dasher
Alicia Freeangel
Zoey Sparklebird
Smax
Astro
Jester
Mr. Dubstep
Jamie Doccanyon
CTRL ALT Dead
Sharpshoot
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« Reply #188 on: March 06, 2011, 01:29:38 pm »

Yeah, the last weeks have been rough. Basketball didn't help either lol But I'll take my time more next time, and give you longer scenes.
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Enter The Fusion Modulation Headquarters

THE STUDS OF ULTRA'S:

Alshary Sharpshoot - Rose Terrorangel
Ace Tinybullet - Awesome Busterbullet
Alse Kai - Zoey Sparklebird
Agent Gold Dasher - Alicia Freeangel
Silver Kid - Jazz Doccanyon
Zok Terrorgiant - Carter Angelchampion
Roller Rockstar - Admiral Fastfeet
Jamie Doccanyon - Smax
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Silver Kid
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« Reply #189 on: March 06, 2011, 01:45:16 pm »

Nice. More action.
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Alshary Sharpshoot
Agent Gold Dasher
Alicia Freeangel
Zoey Sparklebird
Smax
Astro
Jester
Mr. Dubstep
Jamie Doccanyon
CTRL ALT Dead
Makastar
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« Reply #190 on: March 06, 2011, 01:48:13 pm »

You should definitely look into a beta reader though Tongue I have a lot myself that help me along :3
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« Reply #191 on: March 06, 2011, 01:55:33 pm »

I don't know what that is but try it Ash. It could help.
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Alshary Sharpshoot
Agent Gold Dasher
Alicia Freeangel
Zoey Sparklebird
Smax
Astro
Jester
Mr. Dubstep
Jamie Doccanyon
CTRL ALT Dead
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« Reply #192 on: March 06, 2011, 01:57:45 pm »

Maybe you should pay attention lol. A beta reader is someone you send your writing to before you post it. I've talked about it plenty of times in my fics. A beta reads your story and gives you constructive feedback that will help improve. Then after you go through the beta process, you can post your story up for the readers.
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« Reply #193 on: March 06, 2011, 05:28:10 pm »

I don't like to pay attention. I have the attention spand of a 12 year old.
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Sup! Name's Silver. I got a bunch of friends on the forums. Here are a few:
Alshary Sharpshoot
Agent Gold Dasher
Alicia Freeangel
Zoey Sparklebird
Smax
Astro
Jester
Mr. Dubstep
Jamie Doccanyon
CTRL ALT Dead
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« Reply #194 on: March 06, 2011, 05:43:43 pm »

I agree with all of Alice's answers Ash, except for favorite character, I like how they're turning out so far, so I can't choose a favorite yet. You're doing a great job, and I think you should just follow Alice's advice.
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Haven't read the Gazette's 101st issue?
http://ultrafusionfallmultiindex.smfforfree3.com/index.php/topic,3713.0.html


"C'est décidée, je m'en vais. J'ai laissé mon enfance en été. Perdue dans l'hiver.  Le froid est pour moi le prix de la liberté. Quand on prend de la hauteur tout semble insignifiant. La tristesse, l'angoisse et la peur m'ont quittée depuis longtemps."
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